How did we become foster parents?
When we tell people that we’re foster parents, we’re usually met with one of three comments: a compliment, a “my husband and I want to do that!” or “my friend did that for years.” All valid! However, the foster care system is desperately in need of more foster parents, and rarely do people ask how we became foster parents. Since I wanted to know the answer to this question back in 2022, I decided to document it step-by-step.
Step 1: Research
First, I researched foster care classes in my area (New Bern, NC) and was directed to the Craven County Department of Social Services (DSS) page. There are many ways to become involved in foster care. Certain foundations and agencies are able to license you as well, but we happened across DSS first and stuck with it. The foster classes were full at the time of our inquiry, but I was mailed a large packet of forms to fill out while we waited for the next round to open. I filled out the 30-page packet and returned it to the agency a few weeks later. Yes, it took that long to complete. This packet included personal info, education, finances, essays, references, and more.
Step 2: TIPS-MAPP Class
My husband, mother, and I started our TIPS-MAPP classes in August 2022. TIPS-MAPP stands for trauma informed partnering for safety and permanence, a model approach to partnerships in parenting. Upon our sign up, we didn’t realize my mother would have to take the classes too, but she has to be licensed as “an adult member of the household.”
We met at the DSS building weekly in a small meeting room with a large table. There were 11 people in total, including the two social workers who taught the class. (There were only 9 people by the end.) Class by class, we made our way through 10 weeks’ worth of information. Each class was three hours long, and yes, we had homework.
Homework included essays about your family, questions related to case studies from class, notarized forms, getting fingerprinted, getting the home inspected, letters to birth parents, etc. The binder of information weighs about 50 pounds and is over 1 foot tall.
Things We Learned
How to meet the developmental and well-being needs of the children and youth.
How to meet the safety needs of children and youth.
How to “shared parent” with the children’s biological families.
How to support concurrent planning for permanency.
Erickson’s Stages of Development.
Lily’s Stages of Development.
Care for a drug-exposed baby, including Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
How to report a runaway.
The importance of a lifebook.
The Cycle of Need
Discipline Techniques – what’s allowed and what’s not
How to create an EcoMap, or Family Map.
How to meet their family’s needs in ways that assure a child’s safety and wellbeing.
How to provide affective and open communication to all involved parties.
How to build trust between your family, the children, their family, and the social workers.
Criteria for foster and adoptive parents.
Strengths and needs assessment.
How to create a partnership development plan.
A brief summary of child welfare laws important to foster and adoptive parents.
Important definitions for foster and adoptive parents.
The impact of disruptions and reunification.
The bill of rights for children in foster care.
The rights of parents of children in foster care.
The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICQA).
The Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 and Amendment of 1996 (MEPA/IEP).
The fostering connections for success and increasing adoption act.
And local resources.
Things We Did NOT Learn
How to sign the children up for school.
What furniture and physical items should we have in our home prior to our placement? Where can we get emergency items for last minute placements?
How to deal with different children’s hair.
Different social workers have different jobs, requirements, and expectations.
Our role during doctor appointments.
What paperwork we sign versus what paperwork the social worker signs.
WIC.
Children can make accusations.
Lifebook expectations.
What to do if you must disrupt a placement, but no other foster home is available.
The different between long-term fostering, respite, kinship, and guardianship.
Step 3: Paperwork
After we finished the classes and submitted all of our paperwork, we returned to the DSS building for a CPR class. This was the final check box on our to do list. Once the state received an approved our application, we were officially licensed foster parents. Although we hadn’t received our license in the mail yet, we started to receive calls for foster care placements immediately after the CPR class.
Become a Foster Parent
Learn more about foster care and the unique roles you can play in the foster care system.
National: National Foster Parent Association
North Carolina: Foster Care | NCDHHS
Craven County/ New Bern: HOPE Family Resource Center | 252-636-6472